The Year and The Struggles

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The last week of December is a jittery time for me. I tend to look back at the whole year and try to summarize it in a few words, a coherent sentiment. Most years I come up with an answer quick. This year though I feel convoluted.

A lot of extremely bad things happened, but I also got to learn new things from them that I wouldn’t have realised in the whole past 5 years. I feel sad for myself but at the same time proud for handling it how and as much as I did. I feel fortunate to have helpful resources but I feel heartbroken thinking about those who don’t have access.

I have this unsettling feeling in my heart and I can’t understand why. Maybe I’m afraid next year is going to be scarier. Maybe I’m disheartened by how jaded I’m becoming. Maybe it’s the sting of realizing most of my dreams will be unfulfilled. Maybe it’s the disappointment of not being better.

Because of this year, I am wary about anything that makes high claims about advances because I ponder and fear what trade-off we’re making (think food quality and technology privacy).

I am more at peace too though because I feel more secure. This year strengthened my values and identity.

Somedays I fall for the illusion that life can be easy. The memory of a great day taunts the average ones. I need to remind myself that struggles sometimes have good outcomes, I am strong enough to deal with it, and que sera sera.

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Anxiety doesn’t want your advice about stress management, and neither do I. — The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

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Please stop responding to my anxiety with, “stress isn’t good for you, you know.” I know. I do know, because I can’t tell you how much money has been spent on profesional help and medication, or even the physical illnesses that never seem to end, as the distress my body experiences is a result of […]

via Anxiety doesn’t want your advice about stress management, and neither do I. — The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

We are building a “memorial”

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Talking about the trauma is not enough: trauma survivors need to take some action that symbolizes triumph over helplessness and despair.

The Holocaust Memorial Yad Vashem in Jerusalem and the Vietnam Memorial in Washington, DC, are good examples of symbols for survivors to mourn the dead and establish the historical and cultural meaning of the traumatic events. Most of all, they serve to remind survivors of the ongoing potential for communality and sharing.

This also applies to other survivors who may have to build less visible memorials and common symbols around which they can gather to mourn and express their shame about their own vulnerability. This may take the form of writing a book, taking political action, helping other victims, or any of the myriad of creative solutions that human beings can find to defy even the most desperate plight.”

From: http://www.trauma-pages.com/a/vanderk.php

Suddenly

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When most of your life things suddenly leaped up on you and took you down, how can you continue to walk ahead without constantly looking around in fear of the next attack?

You can try to remind yourself of all the coping techniques you have learnt about. Everything is not all bad, it’s about perspective, you’re stronger than before etc – you know the drill.

But despite all those well-intentioned teachings, deep down you still feel the same. Nothing erases that primal fear that has been deepening within you since an early age.