Here Is How You Love Without Expectation – http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/07/here-is-how-you-love-without-expectation/
They say your relationships can really affect you. They surely can, trust me.
For someone who vowed to be rational at all times, it is quite hard to admit feeling hurt.
Funny (actually sad) thing is that I end up feeling betrayed again and again. I choose to place some hope and trust on certain people, despite Taylor Swift’s ‘Trouble’ song playing loudly and repeatedly in my head.
I think I do not feel hurt because of the way the person treated me or the betrayal per se. But maybe I feel hurt because my cynic views and trouble-detection radar were proven right.
In a way, it is nice to know I have got sharp intuition powers when it comes to assessing (not judging) people. At the same time, though, it feels like I am in a dark and deep hollow, where I will never find someone whom my radar approves.
I feel like crying. This is the second friendship that failed in the past 6 months. Other than these two aforementioned letdowns, I have two other dying friendships.
All that being said, it’s not that I’m completely lonely. I have friends and family who care, and for that I am truly grateful. Words cannot describe how obliged I feel to have them in my life, and how much I love them, and how I would do anything to keep them happy.
I was hoping to keep those lost friends happy too. But interest fades, and conflicts arise. And after a point there’s no turning back. We’ll be as amicable as we can be to keep up faces in society, but we all know the truth.
Deep inside, I sometimes wish we could forget and start fresh, and consciously avoid each other’s mines.
I feel like a prisoner wanting to find a way out
I feel like a light pole on a crowded street
It’s nauseating at times
The weight of the world seems to have dug me under the ground
And the truth scars me every night
Is this what depression feels like?
- Endless possibilities
- Realizing dreams
- Being around those who love you selflessly.
- Tiny but infinite moments of joys — like a true smile or a perfectly baked cake ^.^
- Experiencing art
- Inspiring others
- Doctor Who
- Kindness / compassion
When I was a teenager, I tried to make sense of life by (sporadically) writing down patterns I observed and lessons I learnt.
That habit gave me some sort of assurance. I hoped that if I’m ever in any dilemma (in the future), I can simply look into my ‘compilation of wisdom’ and fly away from the worries.
Time passed and incidents happened, but unfortunately I never really remembered to look back at those pages.
This post is an active attempt to honour that hope I built, and to revisit the world from a pair of less-jaded eyes.
- Your self-worth should not be measured by how much attention you are getting, but by how you measure up to your values
You tried to paint me.
Find my dimensions and angles.
You tried to find my colours
Based on pictures you’ve seen before.
But little did you know,
I am not like just any other.
I am my own self, my own creation.